Bad Hobbit   

Columnist learns not to mess with movie criticism

Conventional wisdom says if you want to invite controversy, be sure to bring up religion, politics or something nasty about someone's mother. A Chicago Sun-Times columnist has one more for the list: the movie "Lord of the Rings."

Mark Brown, not a movie reviewer, walked unknowingly into the lion's den in February after seeing--and despising--"Lord of the Rings," the bazillion-dollar-making blockbuster nominated for so many Oscars, its makers probably rented a U-Haul to bring to the ceremony, just in case. Anyway, Brown felt so strongly about the film, he wrote a column headlined: 'Lord of the Rings' a good cure for insomnia.

"It is a tedious, boring, pointless waste of three hours," he wrote. "The advantage to this story line is that you can get up and go to the bathroom at any point during the interminable second half...without missing anything." And, "I certainly would recommend you go out and rent it, if only to see for yourself what a lousy movie it is."

The column ran. And then the columnist wanted to. "Rings" fans were not happy, though they were more than happy to give Brown the what-for.

Brown, chagrined--but resourceful--used the hate mail for his next column.

"Dear Sir.... May a Cave Troll Smash Your Wooden Head," wrote one former fan.

"Wow. You are a total idiot," another declared.

And one truly peeved reader suggested, "You truly are a stooge.... The aforementioned column has elevated you to the loftiest levels of idiocy.... The garage is at the rear of the house. Close the door and turn on the car."

He probably won't go that far, but Brown writes, "If I ever get the notion to comment on another movie, perhaps I should first seek out [movie critic Roger] Ebert's advice on how to criticize a film without making its fans feel that I am criticizing them personally."